Author: Sarah Harland-Logan
Hi there,
The deeply wonderful webcomic Hyperbole and a Half includes a charming explanation of how little things can snowball into paralyzing frustration:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ca/2010/05/sneaky-hate-spiral.html
Allie (the author) calls it the “Sneaky Hate Spiral.” As she explains, these “begin simply enough. In fact, that is one of the hallmarks of sneaky hate spirals – they are merely the confluence of many unremarkable annoyances.” So for example, to start off, “Your day begins poorly” as follows:
![[Editor: I hate when this happens before I'm ready to wake up.]](https://lawmeetingminds.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/rage22.png?w=400&h=300)
Or in my case, I have an increasingly decrepit and much-beloved early 2008 MacBook Pro, which really didn’t want to wake up today. I sat down to work, all cheerful and chipper – and 20 minutes later, was about ready to start throwing things … even though I was indeed aware that it wasn’t at all a big deal and I should probably just wait patiently and read a book or something.
So, what do you do when the little frustrations of the day seem to accumulate and get under your skin faster than you can deal with them? In other words, how do you interrupt the Sneaky Hate Spiral?
Sadly (yet predictably – human nature and all), I don’t have a 100% success rate. (…See above). But when I am successful, the key seems to be that I managed to detect the very beginning of the Sneaky Hate Spiral and nip it in the bud. So I’ve tried to train myself to notice when I’m getting irrationally frustrated about little things: “Wait, I’m really upset. Is that actually reasonable/appropriate?”
If I do detect an incipient Sneaky Hate Spiral, I’ll try to pursue one of these options:
1. If it’s late and/or I have nothing terribly pressing to do, sometimes I’ll just declare that I’m done with work for the day and try again tomorrow, pretty much on the same principle as restarting my ancient MacBook: I’m not totally sure why it works, but usually it does seem to help.
2. If it’s essential that I press on, if possible I’ll put physical space between myself and the frustrating thing (slow computer, perplexing case law, overflowing inbox, etc.). Then I do something fun, timed, and – crucially – unrelated, like go grab a coffee or dance to a few songs. Sometimes that’s enough to break the Sneaky Hate Spiral’s momentum.
3. …but sometimes not. In that case, then if at all possible, it’s time to find someone it’s safe to complain at! E.g., someone else with the same frustrating assignment, or my wonderfully patient mother. The trick is that usually at first I won’t want to talk to anyone at all – but often a bit of venting can actually put me back on track.
And thus, this blog post got written!
Yours,
Sarah Harland-Logan
Meeting of the Minds 